Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Drowning in Exhaust Fumes

I’m exhausted. I have yet to pin down whether it is physically, mentally, or both. I’m sure the physical is an absolute. Chasing after an 18 month old monkey for a week straight is enough to put anyone into a constant state of exhaustion. To all you stay at home mommies out there…Kudos…I have no freaking idea how you do it. Even with the constant flow of coffee and espresso coursing through my veins I barely kept up with the two foot monster.
It got to the point I insisted on writing her a check for all the personal training. We swam, we walked, we ran up stairs with the 30 pound monkey clinging to the front of me; we down ran stairs with the 30 pound monkey on my shoulders pulling my hair as though it was a bridle and reins; we ran stairs with the 30 pound monkey shrieking in my ears that she needed a banana fix now dammit. And you know what really pisses me off…that I still managed to gain weight on vacation. All of the delicious food on the cruise found a new home on my hips. Why hello dessert, you’ll do just fine over here on the right buttock…Welcome!
As for the mental exhaustion…yeah, I’m certain there’s that too. Have you ever entertained a toddler on a plane for 3.5 hours? I have, with help, and I still thought about jumping. Planning flights around nap time doesn’t work either. OH Momma...I’m too excited to sleep!!! Instead I’ll bounce off your lap, to Dada’s to Gamma’s and back again. Snack. Snack. SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Book. Book. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK! Mom, mom, momma, momma, MOMMA, MOOOOOOMA!!! Aaaaaaand FIN.